How to Stay an Informed Parent Without Being a Snoop

Parenting is one of the toughest jobs in the world; it’s also one of the most exasperating. There are mood swings that alternate between uninhibited joy and uncontrollable tempers; there are days when you feel so proud that your heart feels like bursting and other days when you’re literally tearing your hair out in frustration at your teen’s stubbornness; and there are times when you wish you could crawl under a rock and hide there for the rest of your life and other times when you wish you could shout from the rooftops that you have such great children. Yes, parenting has its ups and downs, and it’s up to you as the parent and responsible and mature adult to keep the ups greater than the downs.

One area that is often a warring spot between parents and kids is that of privacy – the children want every aspect of their lives off bounds to their parents and the latter cannot comprehend why their child, who until a short time ago took great pleasure in announcing whatever they did, has turned into a recluse who has secrets to hide. It’s a normal part of adolescence, this need for secrecy and the urgency to keep “snooping” parents out, especially when they start showing an interest in the opposite sex and in activities that they know their parents would not approve of.

The funny (ok, not so funny when you’re the parent in the situation) part of this whole affair is that the more the kids withdraw, the more curious the parents become, vice versa. There’s a thin line between wanting to stay informed and snooping, and wise parents are those who don’t even straddle, let alone cross this line. If your child catches you in the act, it’s a question of lifelong trust being on the line. So how do you ensure that your child does not go down the wrong path without intruding too much into his/her private affairs?

• Take the friendship route: You must be your child’s best friend, a bond that must be forged at childhood and which should grow stronger with each passing year. Your child must be able to come to you with any problem, big or small, and know that you will not sit in judgment or scream your lungs out and ground him/her for the rest of their life, but support and help them resolve it the best they can. A large part of being a good parent is being a good friend, especially to a pre-teen or adolescent child.

• Know when to confront: Parents who know their children well know when they’re lying and when they’re telling the truth. Most of us tell white lies, so it’s not necessary to confront your kids and take them to task for every fudged truth they tell. But when it’s a question of their personal safety or emotional wellbeing, you must talk to them as gently as you can. There will be harsh words spoken and tempers out of control. Be patient, give your child time to come around, and when they do, be there for them and talk to them of your concerns without raising your voice.

• Get to know your child’s friends: Encourage your young one to bring their friends home, and get to know the people your child interacts with on a regular basis. In this day of the Internet and cell phone, it’s hard to keep track of all the people your child is talking to, so make sure your computer is in an open area of the house. Rather than monitoring cell phone records, you could talk to your child if you feel that he/she is becoming more secretive. 

There’s no hard and fast rule that applies to parenting; in fact, a large part of the process is learned on the trot. It’s only by knowing and understanding your child completely that you become a good parent. And even if their teen years are truly terrible, just be supportive and ride out the storm. With the advent of age and maturity, your kids will soon realize what great parents they have.